


reverse soulmates | nomin

by li_z



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:49:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/li_z/pseuds/li_z
Summary: Wherein soulmates are meant to hurt and scar you for life. Instead of completing one another, you break each other. Unfortunately for a certain Na Jaemin, he fell in love with Lee Jeno knowing the fate they share.
Relationships: Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 26





	reverse soulmates | nomin

**Author's Note:**

> hi! omg this is my first time writing,, and english isn't my first language so im sorry,,, i don't even know if people will read this ?? n e ways, I just wanted to get this off my chest;; lost of love <3

August 13, 2023; The day Jaemin turned 23 as well as being self-aware. Every time he turned 23, he knows what ill-fated endings he had gone through in his past life. As the people around him wished him a happy birthday he can't help his smile to falter. He smiled once again not letting himself let the atmosphere down just because of his realization. On the contrary, it was his fault for swearing to always remember on August 13 exactly on his birthday.

\-----

The year 1789; The first lifetime Jaemin had. He wasn't as rich as noblemen and he wasn't poor as a beggar, to say he was in the middle-class. Admired by his great looks and wise mind he was smothered by females on a daily basis, even the daughters of high ranking men were mesmerized by him. Some envious but he didn't mind the glares and spiteful words because he simply thinks they're insecure. Everyone who doesn't admire him started looking for major flaws. Fortunately, it was well-hidden. Except for maybe his best friend, Lee Jeno. Lee Jeno was the son of a nobleman someone who was trusted within the palace always left alone because its either people are intimidated or not interested.

"Jaemin-ah!" Jeno shouted receiving looks from people around the marketplace hs eyes set on a familiar figure. Jaemin was simply standing holding a pen and paper as his gaze meets a happy Jeno. He smiled brightly as the latter approached him running. 

"Jeno! Look at what I drew." He said showing off the paper that had sketches of booths in the marketplace with people buying. Jeno simply smiled at that and showed Jaemin his iconic eye-smile. Jaemin melts a little inside feeling the butterflies in his stomach as he stares as his best friend. After a while, he avoided eye-contact scared that people will look right through him. He was never certain about his sexuality until the night Jaemin broked down in front of Jeno and the latter did nothing but give comfort and assurance that it is normal to have flaws. He knew he was in love with his best friend, but that couldn't be. 

"How about we go to our usual place?" Jeno asked the younger not oblivious to the fact that he was avoiding his eyes. Jaemin muttered a quiet 'okay' as Jeno held him by the wrist and lead their way. The stares of other people don't matter, its just them and only them.

"How was your mother's shop?" Jeno asked as he sat down next to Jaemin in front of a wheat farm. Jaemin's family owned a small rice wine business and Jeno's family was a loyal customer thus the reason for their meeting.

"You know it's fine, getting better. We might get rich." Jaemin stated making the older laugh at his statement. Both started conversing about anything they thought about. Random things like why did nails grew or the existence of soulmates.

"I don't get the existence of soulmates. Like, why are people destined to hurt each other like can't it be a happy ending?" Jaemin questioned irritated by this rule the universe had.

"Well, I don't know? Maybe the universe hates us that much to actually set us up for damage." Jeno shrugged as he admired the moving clouds.

"I mean it's life. We were meant to hurt and actually experience emotions both bad and good." Jaemin only frowns at that as he crossed his arms.

"I hate that. I despise that. Can't I just be happy?" Jaemin looked at Jeno and waited for him to reciprocate the contact. When Jeno finally looked at him the stared for a while and Jeno smiled slightly.

"Yes. Yes, you can." Jeno stated making Jaemin's heartrate skyrocket. To mask him being flustered, he started rambling about how unfair it is to live in this cruel society. Jeno only lent his ears to everything the younger has to say.

It has been an occurring thing where Jeno would go to Jaemin's house the night before the latter's birthday to drink rice wine as both of them are adults. It was August 12 when both young men were drunkenly walking towards a pond laughing and giggling. They would have been judged if it weren't night time when the majority of people are sleeping. 

"Jenoooo, come sit with meee," Jaemin said walking in a very weird way with flushed cheeks caused by the wine. He sat down on the grass near the pond letting out an oomph as his bottom hit the ground. Jeno only laughed at the state of the younger and sat beside him. 

"Jeno, I have something to say," Jaemin said as he faced his best friend that mirrors his movements. They were now seating parallel from each other. The older's gaze mimics the serious one the younger has.

"I don't like females." He admitted as he let his eyes wander elsewhere didn't wanna see the look on his best friend's face.

"And that I like you. I know we both said we'll be best friends till the day we die but I can't. I knew I shouldn't have risked our friendship like this but I can't control how I feel." HE continued as tears built up in his eyes. He took a deep breath at finally gathered the courage to look at the older who had an undecipherable look on his face.

"I'm sorry if this is the flaw I have. I'm sorry that it had to be like this. I'm sorry that I don't fit the norms of society. I'm sorry I let you down." Jaemin continued as he breaks his own heart. He knows that who he is unacceptable in this society and maybe even the succeeding ones. Little did he know he's breaking his best friend's heart as well. He wiped his tears and looked down at his hands.

"I understand if you won't see me again or let alone tell everyone how disgusting I am." Jaemin stopped as he felt a pair of hands cup his face and made him lookup. His state became sober as he saw the fond look the older was giving him. He cried more not expecting this kind of treatment. 'Maybe he's doing this to not make it hard for me.' He tried convincing himself but Jeno just wiped his tears as he pulled him closer and into a hug.

"I love you, Jaemin. What you are isn't a flaw, it will never be. You are not disgusting. We are meant to love and feel emotions. Gender shouldn't be a basis for love, we choose who we choose." Jeno said softly afraid that the younger would overthink. He was puzzled as sobs stopped and he looked down on the younger who buried his face on the crook of Jeno's neck.

"Y-you love me?" Jaemin asked who can't help but stutter, he wasn't expecting this. Jeno only giggled as he hugged the younger much tighter. He wasn't a fan of words but, he showed it through actions. Knowing his best friend he needed assurance so he whispered 'i love you' like a mantra while kissing the top of his head until the younger finally steadied his breathing. Jeno then accompanied Jaemin home as he promised he'll return the next day.

Jaemin was awakened by the chirping birds and chatters from the outside made by his neighbors. He smiled at himself as he recalled what happened last night. He happily went out of bed and fixed himself and walked to a familiar back that was facing him. It wasn't Jeno though. It was his friend, Donghyuck. He smiled at the older and called him making the latter look towards Jaemin. Jaemin's smile falters as he saw Donghyuk's serious expression.

"We need to talk," Donghyuck demanded that made Jaemin's eyes widen. Donghyuk was usually bright, brighter than the Sun you may say but, this side of him is completely new to Jaemin. HE escorted Donghyuk inside and sat down.

"I'll go straight to the point," Donghyuck said before letting any word out of Jaemin's mouth.

"The town is talking about you and this mystery person." Donghyuck started making the color on Jaemin's face leave.

"Someone saw you hugging at the pond. They saw your face but not the other one since the back was only shown. I'm sorry Jaemin that it had to be like this." Donghyuck continued as worry was evident in his face. He placed his hand on the other's shoulder who was currently sobbing and covering his face. Not a few moments after Jaemin heard his mother calling him. Making him and Donghyuck look at each other. Jaemin stood up as he wiped away his tears accepting his fate. He went out of his room met with his mother's betrayed look.

"Please tell me they're lying about you liking a boy... No that's not true, right?" His mother started which made his breathing uneasy. He shook his head looking down as he heard his mother's frustrated sighs.

"No. No, that is not true."

"It's true."

"It is not! It's just a phase."

"No! It is not a phase! This is who I am! I can't change that!"

"You can! You're just not trying!" His mother countered back as he felt his breathing was heavy. Their conversation continued as anger became sadness as both were a sobbing mess while kneeling in front of one another.

"Please tell me you're lying... This can't happen, Jaemin..."

"I'm sorry..." Jaemin said just above a whisper. His mother sighed in defeated as a few moments passed.

"I'm sorry Jaemin but, this is unacceptable." His mother said as he looked up at her standing figure. He nodded knowing what would happen next.

"You know this society. It cannot be. You have to leave. Live your life as an outcast, it's better than anything. I'm sorry.." Jaemin nodded once more as he stood up meeting his mother's eyes that quickly shifted. He smiled her way and bowed politely. He entered his room where Donghyuck greeted him with a hug. He cried no tears as he felt all of them gone. He started packing his things after writing a letter directed to Jeno. He tasked Donghyuck to give him the letter after he left the town.

August 13, 1789; His first lifetime, his first heartbreak, and his falling. He swore deep down in his heart, he will remember Jeno. In this lifetime and in another.

And in the next lifetime, they meet again. Jaemin was a surgeon. Wherein Jaemin was tasked to operate on a boy named Huang Renjun who needed a heart transplant. Jeno who was in love with Renjun gave his heart for the latter to continue living. Jaemin was well aware that the love he felt for this Jeno is just platonic but it hurts him to do this. Knowing that in any situation, one will be depressed. Jeno was convinced he was living a life as a failure, in dept, unemployed, and talentless. His misery could be ended with something that could benefit others, especially the one he loved. August 13, 1899; Lee Jeno's funeral and Jaemin's birthday. He went home crying that night asking the universe what he did wrong.

Another lifetime was Jaemin being a history teacher and Jeno as police, both were in a happy relationship with one another. One faithful day the school where Jaemin worked was on lockdown because of an external threat. Jaemin was the one who volunteered to check if the school is safe walking out a bullet went through his torso. He looked at where the bullet came from, it was from an unknown man who was also shot in his right leg. Jeno was at the scene as a police officer who went with Jaemin to the hospital. Jaemin was declared dead upon arrival. August 13, 1931; Jaemin's death and birthday.

\-----

At this point, Jaemin had tears in his eyes as the sounds of people chattering around him stopped puzzled by Jaemin's state. Jaemin felt an arm around his shoulder startling him as he looked at the owner of that arm. It's no other than Lee Jeno, his subject. Jaemin now is a photographer and his main subject is Jeno who had been courting him for a few months.

"Yo, Jaemin. Are you okay?" Mark asked him and the younger's eyes met his. Jaemin nodded his head and faked a smile.

"I am. Just emotional." He said and his friends didn't want to dwell on it getting he hint Jaemin didn't wanna talk about it. He eyed his cake and felt the arm that was around his shoulder gone. He was about to look at Jeno when a hand found it's place on Jaemin's thigh. He felt a sense of comfort that was oh so familiar from 4 different lifetimes. It is safe to say that Jeno is his soulmate. He breaks Jaemin or Jaemin breaks him but at the same time, they fix each other in a way. 

"Let's get some fresh air?" Jeno asked knowing what the younger needs. Jaemin nods his head as he let himself get dragged by Jeno to a nearby park after telling the others that they'll leave for a while. Both men sat on the swings in the playground that is empty because it was nighttime.

"So, do you wanna tell me about it?" Jeno asked breaking the silence.

"I can't you won't understand," Jaemin said as he kicked his feet. Jeno only hummed at that as he pushed himself lightly on the swing.

"You know this whole soulmate thing, right?" Jeno only hummed at that once again.

"It's bullshit. It only exists to hurt people. Let them experience pain and trauma." Jaemin said crossing his arm around his chest.

"That's oddly familiar."

"I know! Imagine how many lifetimes have you been broken?"

"3, I don't know..."

"Right! It brought nothing but sadness!"

"Weren't you happy in the past lifetimes? With me?"

"There weren't happy endi- what?" Jaemin cut himself as the replies of the elder dawned to him. Jeno only chuckled at the sight where Jaemin's eyes were bulging and mouth wide open pointing an accusing finger at him.

"You knew..." Jaemin trailed off.

"Yes, I knew. It's kind of weird that you only know when your 23rd birthday comes. I knew that even if I didn't meet you." Jeno said as he looked down on his hands.

"How??" Jaemin asked still shocked about the information he received.

"Where should I start?"

August 13, 1789; The moment Jeno opened his eyes he heard his name being called from the outside. He opened the door surprised by a Donghyuck waiting for him. Donghyuck gave him a letter and left without a word. He was puzzled but he remembered Jaemin. He hurriedly fixes himself until his gaze met the writing of the letter. It was Jaemin's.

Dear Jeno,

Are you surprised?? I am as well. I wasn't planning on sending a letter to you but I was left with no choice. First of all, thank you. Thank you for accepting who I am. I will forever be grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for staying with me through thick and thin, ups and downs. I am sorry. I am sorry it had to be like this but, Jeno, always remember that what happened isn't your fault and never will be. It's this society's fault for being unfair. I voluntarily oust myself from society. It was better than living in prejudice and bring nothing but negativity to people who I'm close with. Don't worry! Continue to live your life. I'm happy because you'll get to live. Please Jeno, make your life worth a while. I love you so much. I hope to meet you in the next life.

Jaemin

Endless tears flowed out of his eyes as he sobs until he can't cry anymore. He sat there feeling empty feeling broken and everything hurts. That's the day he swore that no matter what he will find Jaemin in different lifetimes.

The year 1899; He had found Jaemin once again. After departing after college, Jeno spent all his time looking for Na Jaemin even if it caused him everything. The person who helped him find the love of his previous life was Renjun. Renjun was the person who helped Jeno even if it didn't make sense. He was fascinated by how Jeno remembers and was starting a research about soulmates and the whole concept. Unfortunately, he had heart problems. Jeno was more than willing to donate his heart for him to continue knowing that he'll have another chance in his next life. Little did he know fate will play with him. Meeting the doctor was different, he was young and very captivating. He found Jaemin but, he needed answers about the concept of soulmates. Don't worry Jaemin, in the next life. I promise.

August 13, 1931; Everything seemed to be perfect. Both Jaemin and Jeno are in love. Jeno read the study on soulmates that was conducted by Huang Renjun and there he knew that soulmates don't give you sad endings but only scarring you. Scars can heal, doesn't it? Unfortunately, in this lifetime it can't. It was too big of a scar to even be healed especially when being announced dead on arrival. See you in the next life, I love you.

\-----

By now, Jaemin was shedding ugly tears as Jeno finished his story. Jeno walked over to the sobbing Jaemin and met his eye level. Jeno placed his hands on both sides of Jaemin's cheeks, it felt like deja vu.

"Jaemin, I know the endings in our past lives weren't exactly pleasant but I treasure our moments so much that it will always be worth the pain. Maybe in this lifetime, we'll endure the hardship and have our own happy ending."

"What if we don't experience that?" Jaemin asked as he looked at Jeno who looked at him as if he had taken all the stars and aligned them to their places.

"Then I'll look for you. Even if we're stuck in a loop, you're worth the heartbreak."

**Author's Note:**

> I finished it!! thats so weird jgddjgfh idk if I did good ?? i hope I improve through time,,,


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